Last year my ex and I broke up. she said it was because I had some growing up to do. Truth be told I was 21 at the time and more interested in partying and drinking than a serious relationship. It wasn’t until after she left me that I realized how much she meant and from then on I couldn’t stop thinking about ways to get my ex back.

If you are like me and more interested in partying and drinking you’ll need to seriously take a look at your relationship. Are you really in love with your ex, or is it just infatuation, or are you in love with the physical attraction?

This may sound harsh, but if you are in party mode there are plenty of other girls looking for the same thing, move on. If you really do love the girl you’re going to be in for some serious adjustments if you want to get her back.

So without further ado here are my steps to get your ex girlfriend back.

1. Take a hard look at yourself. I know this one is hard believe me, but it’s the only way to get some perspective and look at the whole picture objectively. Did your girlfriend break up with you for a particular reason? Most girlfriends give plenty of hints about their concerns long before they break up with you. What are the real reasons you broke up? Most likely there are several things that will come to mind, constant complaints that you know bug her.

2. Carefully decide if she really is the right one for you. Breaking up and getting your ex back can be depressing and emotionally draining activities. Do you love her enough to make some serious changes in your life?

I know for me the drinking and partying were a huge part of my life, but after careful consideration I dropped them for the chance to be with my girl again.

3. Now that you know the main factors that lead to the break up, you can work to overcome them. Concentrate on fixing the primary problems with yourself. Don’t be concerned about petty stuff like justification. If you really want your ex back you will need to do whatever it takes. Including changing the way you are perceived and putting your heart on the line.

For instance if your girlfriend broke up with you because you are too boring you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you. Being boring is a girl’s code word for too predictable. Think about what you can do next time to spice things up and keep your girl on her toes? In this situation you don’t want to give away all your power to the girl. The next time she asks you a question, don’t say whatever you want, or I don’t know, be decisive. Try doing something spontaneous to win her back and prove that you are the man she wants.

For me it was proving to her that my love for her meant more to me than partying and drinking. For this I took the risk of mailing her a letter with my heartfelt feelings. I felt vulnerable, but she called me the night she received the card and asked if I could come over.

Now a quick warning about putting your heart on the line, it can backfire. One of my friends was dumped and rather than writing a heartfelt letter decided he would sing a song for her into her answering machine. I think it was something by Elton John… Bad, bad idea, the girl ended up taking the recording and playing it for all her and his friends.

Lesson of the story is, win her back by showing your ex your heart, just be careful not to put yourself in a position where it can be trampled.

Ok fellas if you’re in the same boat as I was and want to know how to get your girlfriend back you might get something out of this story. First thing is, I’m going to admit it right up front that I screwed up with my girlfriend.

She was my dream girl from college. It took months to get up the nerve to talk to her and ask her out. When we started dating I told her how beautiful she was and paid for everything. I’m talking about flowers, a bracelet, movies, dinner you name it.

I fell for this girl so hard, but you know what. I was losing my cool, I was all over this girl and it drove her away because I was soo clingy. I would text her constantly and always want to be with her.

It went well for about a month and then she started getting distant. In fact on one weekend when I had a big night out planned fo her it went downhill fast. I brought her roses and we went to dinner and then we met up with some friends to go dancing.

I started drinking in order to get up the nerve to go dancing cause I knew she wanted me to. I didn’t want to dance right away, so I told her to dance with her girlfriends.

Well five minutes later she’s dancing with some buffed guy out on the floor, kinda hangin on him. Later on she comes over and looks at me and says, “are you mad.” I wasn’t trying to look mad but I was upset so I said, I don’t think you should be dancing with him like that.”

Next thing you know she says I’m jealous and we start to argue. Then she says something like, you should go find one of the ugly girls to make out with since they don’t like to dance either. She then said she’s leaving and walked out with one of her friends. Surprisingly the dude she was dancing with left like one minute before she left.

The next two days when I tried to call her she didn’t answer my calls or texts. I was so messed up in the head cause I did everything for this girl, and I wasn’t even visibly mad when she started dancing with the guy. She started the fight on purpose!

It wasn’t until later that weeks when I talked to one of her girl friends before I found out what really went wrong. Luckily for me this girl liked to gossip because she told be some juicy facts.

She said that my girlfriend told her that before we started dating she thought I was the cutest guy in the class. She said that when we started dating she really liked me but… after the first few dates I became “friend” material.

Perplexed I asked her what changed her mind since I did everything for this girl, just like I thought she wanted. Her friend goes on to tell me that I was an open book. I didn’t have much sex appeal and I was… boring.

It’s then that I realized that doing everything for this girl made her think of me as a wimp. This girl wanted some one who wasn’t so easy to understand. Basically this girl wanted a challenge.

Suddenly a huge revelation dawned on me. Sexy girls tend to gravitate toward the guys who treat them like crap and walk all over them because they feed off emotion. They don’t care what the emotions are they just want them.

By giving and doing everything for her I basically lost all of my sex appeal. My girl wanted a strong confident man and I was being just the opposite. So now on to the good part…

So when I finally figured this out I immediately did the following.

• Stopped calling her.
• Stopped emailing and texting.
• Stopped crying about it.
• Got a haircut, groomed myself and bought some new clothes.
• Went to class and started talking to my friend about all the stuff I had done the night before.

Acted like nothing had happened and (this is important) stopped being so predicatable. When she said hi to me, rather then say my first response which was, “Why didn’t you return my call,” I said, “I’m doing great, hey don’t sweat the dancing thing I ended up having a really fun time after you left.”

Class started and all through class I saw her continue to look over at me. I kept on like this the rest of the week. Everytime she would engage me in small talk I said upbeat and positive things about how things are going just like my life couldn’t be better.

What’s funny is, on the third day of this, another very attractive girl in the class suddenly perked up and started talking to me about the club. The next day I got up the courage and asked her out. You should have seen the look on my ex girlfriends face, priceless.

Well, long story short my ex called me that night and told me how much she misses me and how sorry she is for what she did. Then she asked if we could go out on the same night I set for my date. I told her sorry, i already had a date. Then she said how about the next night.

My ex girlfriends wanted me back and I had two dates for the same weekend. I was thrilled. Now I’m trying to figure out how to keep this going cause I’m loving the feeling!